Zack Morris - Story of My Life

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    It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. At least Cheney is not yet emperor. After thinking on the current state of affairs for a day, I have decided to revise my advice on what to do about Bush. Leaving the country is not an option, and neither is bankruptcy, I was just reaching for something quick to ease the pain, besides beer. No, we have to just be vigilent and stay the course. Thousand points of light. Maybe we need more mind numbing phrases like the Republican PR machine uses. I have begun plastering my car’s bumper with stickers for Kerry/Edwards and gems like “losing faith in humanity one person at a time”. Let’s come up with some bumper stickers for Bush.
    What do you think of my first attempt? Our mission is to discredit the robber barons anyway we can, like the political cartoons of the 19th century, showing big fat men in suits driving their trains over the backs of the working class. The body count in Iraq has now passed 100,000, but since they weren’t Americans, they evidently don’t matter to whoever elected Bush. Well, they matter to me. The political cartoons showing the situation in Iraq would be so distasteful today that we would all vomit and pass out. Perhaps making fun of the situation is not appropriate, but we can at least humiliate George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, John Asscroft, Condoleezza Rice, and unfortunately Colin Powell (hey, I liked that guy!!!) directly. I mean, come on guys, this is probably the easiest administration to spit on since Nixon.

More Pictures of John Asscroft

    Oh! In other news, John Asscroft is resigning! If you don’t know much about this guy, watch Fahrenheit 911 to get the whole story. The most notorious laws he spewed include the PATRIOT Act, but that was probably not the worst. To get a good idea of who Asscroft is fighting for, imagine you are a drug dealer, mob boss or corrupt law enforcement official. He’s the man for you. Asscroft has succeeded in keeping drug dealers rich, minorities behind bars, and you under surveillance. And that’s just the stuff we know about.
    I don’t mean to sound negative about this stuff. I’m actually kind of relieved right now, because I can go back to just laughing at these guys instead of it being a life and death situation. I think we’ll see a little bit of a reshuffle before Bush is back, and maybe we’ll get a pleasant surprise or two, as Bush tries to appease the 50% of Americans that hate him. Expect to see some new (hopefully non-white/male) faces in his cabinet. I also wonder what will happen when he chooses the new Supreme Court justices. Judges are a little hard to figure, because as my mom mentioned, they tend not to turn back previous rulings. Also, there is the professionalism factor, when a judge is surrounded by eight other judges, it’d hard to collect the kickback. So even though the administration would just love to take away all of our civil liberties so they can watch you kill kittens on the internet, they probably will not get that chance.
    I really do love America, it’s the richest country in the world in more than just monetary terms. People are safe here in a way that’s just not quite achieved in other countries, in fact they are so safe that they die of boredom. So even though I would like to leave sometimes, I do admit that I would yearn for pizza and real ketchup, things that don’t seem to exist anywhere else.
    But I just keep thinking that America could be so much better. Just think how great it would be if we didn’t have the religious right telling us that the best things in life are bad. I mean, we work hard, are upstanding citizens, and that entitles us to date 2 people at the same time, eat weed for dinner (if that’s your thing), watch NC17 movies, go topless, celebrate after a touchdown, have phone sex over an encrypted channel, download the latest TV show off BitTorrent, share our music with millions of friends, take apart our DVD players, listen to Howard Stern, vote even if we committed a felony, not have to go to prison for life just because they pass a law saying that double jeopardy (now triple jeopardy AKA Three Strikes You’re Out) is the unconstitutional law of the land, not have to take a urine test to be a janitor, drink at 18, marry someone you love regardless of gender, actually vote for the president instead of leaving it to the electoral college, I could go on literally forever. There is so much wrong with America right now that we have become the laughing stock of the world.
    But even thought the situation is grim, there is a certain level of camaraderie in the air. I went to the Democratic party on election night with my sis to drink beer and scope chicks. It was a really good atmosphere. Plus I got more eye contact from like minded girls than since I went to Costa Rica. These people are not the Young Republicans you find down at the sports bar, no, these are the people who have gotten stepped on their whole lives and want to change things for the better. That night Idaho got its first openly gay elected official when Nicole LeFavour got elected. That was our consolation prize. I’d much rather have been there with them than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. So I think that if you are having trouble right now coming to grips with the fact that half the people around you are brainwashed, try a new crowd. Talk to a lesbian. Talk to a European. Talk to your congressman.
    So hang in there, keep a positive attitude, and let’s start a grassroots smear campaign against the administration. If every site shows at least one image of something unbelievable it did, people will wake up. And anyone not yet on the internet (whoever voted for Bush) will just have to be convinced by word of mouth. WE DON’T WANT ANYONE IN THIS ADMINISTRATION FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENT.