Zack Morris - Story of My Life

So my buddy got a DUI last weekend and we bailed him out at 7 am. I’m not going to go into a lot of details, but basically he was just barely over. So ya that sucked. It’s hard for us old timers to remember that the limit isn’t what it always was, something reasonable like 0.10. I won’t go into a lot of details, but needless to say, the highlight of the night was when his wife told the cop “can you at least give me my f***ing tampons!” It seems that he was the only cop who had a clue what was going on, kind of a tough looking fellow, who seemed almost irritated that the other cop was giving such a hard time to a, well, almost sober person. Kind of ironic.

It turns out the other cop was training yet another cop, so they demonstrated how to take a suspect back to the station and create jobs for the bail bondsmen, etc etc. Let me just say, I have no problem with the vast majority of police officers, I personally have never had any problems from them, but I think that any mistrust comes from matters of whim.

I suppose everyone who goes through the process thinks that there is some grey area that the police are allowed to take into consideration. Like even if it’s training day, sometimes it’s ok for them to wait for the next criminal to make an example of. In big cities, this probably happens all the time…except for anyone unlucky enough to be caught DWB of course. Or DWP, or even DWUTL (Driving While Up Too Late).

In Boise I think the problem has more to do with DWY (Driving While Young). There seems to be a disproportionate number of police cars surrounding groups of teenagers, searching the cars of said teenagers, passing on drug awareness messages to aformentioned teens, all in the hopes that they will dare to be drug free. Lots of teens seem to just get totally blown away here. I’m not even joking. We have lots of teens that turn up shot by the police, right in the middle of the street downtown. We’re a regular rootin-tootin western town.

So luckily my friend didn’t turn up shot, even though he looked scarily like a teenager up past his bedtime. All in all it will be a good learning experience and will protect the children. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say: thank god it wasn’t me!

OK OK maybe I went over the line there, of course I realize the cops are just doing their jobs and honestly I’m glad it’s not me out there having to deal with crap, so I will shut up about it already. So moving onto more serious matters.

I think the problem really stems from a total lack of mass transit in Boise. When I was at college in Illinois, a bus came every 10, even as few as 5 minutes, all hours of the day. I can’t remember if they lengthened that to every 20 minutes at night, but still, they ran them until an hour after the bars closed. In Illinois, that was 2 am.

Boise needs a bus that does a wide loop, main streets only, so Warm Springs, Broadway, Vista, Orchard, Curtis, Cole, and Maple Grove, or something to that affect. It might hit halfway down the major streets, so say the intersections with Franklin, Fairview, and State.

The bus should be free after 9 pm and run until 3 am, an hour after the bars close, so people can safely make it to and from inebriation. It would prevent rapes, beatings, oh and I almost forgot, DUIs. I would rather have this bus than the daytime bus which nobody rides anyway.

I also saw a service in asia where you call the cab company and they send out a guy on a moped that folds up into a briefcase. (the moped, not the guy) He drives your car home for you with you in it and you pay him a standard fare. Whatever happened to American ingenuity?

So anyway, there’s two relatively simple solutions. Since this is Boise, we first have to deal with all the gay marriage and flag burning so I guess the government is booked. And think of the revenue generated by all the secularists getting busted. There are jobs to think about, people.